Jdogg:Hey
QT-Pie:Hey
Jdogg:whats goin on
QT-Pie:Nothing. Who are you?
Jdogg:Jdogg. Wanna cyber?
QT-Pie:what does that mean?
Jdogg:what are you wearing?
QT-Pie:T-shirt. Jeans.
Jdogg:Garter belt?
QT-Pie:Ummm...no.
Jdogg:Are we gonna cyber or not?
QT-Pie: uh, okay.
Jdogg:Sweet, I start by rubbing your ass all around. You love this.
Jdogg: You"re wet already. I can smell your pussy stink from here.
QT-Pie: WHAT?!
Jdogg: I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra. Passion fills the room. Your head is close to the ceiling fan.
Jdogg:You leave everything to jdogg.
Jdogg:I am completely inside of you. You are my dick puppet. I put on a little play.
QT-Pie:This is weird. I should go.
Jdogg: I drop you on the ground, and lay a stripe down your back.
QT-Pie: A stripe?
Jdogg: I need a sandwich.
QT-Pie: You"re a freak.
Jdogg: I was great. You loved it.
Cybersex hehe
bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don"t know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i"m a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don"t wear shirts.
j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it"s just part of the game.
bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don"t play games. They f*cking charge your ass.
j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
bloodninja: It doesn"t get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli3: thats it.
bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
bloodninja: Goddam am I hard now.
OHH, det er 1000år siden jeg har jeg har læst bloodninja"s chats. har du et link, da mit gamle ikke eksistere længere. De er hyle morsomme!
This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:
John:
"Hi! I"m John, and this is Mary."
Mary:
"Hi! We"re here to invite you to come kiss Hank"s ass with us."
Me:
"Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who"s Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"
John:
"If you kiss Hank"s ass, He"ll give you a million dollars; and if you don"t, He"ll kick the shit out of you."
Me:
"What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"
John:
"Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can"t until you kiss His ass."
Me:
"That doesn"t make any sense. Why..."
Mary:
"Who are you to question Hank"s gift? Don"t you want a million dollars? Isn"t it worth a little kiss on the ass?"
Me:
"Well maybe, if it"s legit, but..."
John:
"Then come kiss Hank"s ass with us."
Me:
"Do you kiss Hank"s ass often?"
Mary:
"Oh yes, all the time..."
Me:
"And has He given you a million dollars?"
John:
"Well no. You don"t actually get the money until you leave town."
Me:
"So why don"t you just leave town now?"
Mary:
"You can"t leave until Hank tells you to, or you don"t get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."
Me:
"Do you know anyone who kissed Hank"s ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"
John:
"My mother kissed Hank"s ass for years. She left town last year, and I"m sure she got the money."
Me:
"Haven"t you talked to her since then?"
John:
"Of course not, Hank doesn"t allow it."
Me:
"So what makes you think He"ll actually give you the money if you"ve never talked to anyone who got the money?"
Mary:
"Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you"ll get a raise, maybe you"ll win a small lotto, maybe you"ll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."
Me:
"What"s that got to do with Hank?"
John:
"Hank has certain "connections.""
Me:
"I"m sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."
John:
"But it"s a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don"t kiss Hank"s ass He"ll kick the shit of you."
Me:
"Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."
Mary:
"No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."
Me:
"Then how do you kiss His ass?"
John:
"Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl"s ass, and he passes it on."
Me:
"Who"s Karl?"
Mary:
"A friend of ours. He"s the one who taught us all about kissing Hank"s ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."
Me:
"And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"
John:
"Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here"s a copy; see for yourself."
** From the desk of Karl **
Kiss Hank"s ass and He"ll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
Use alcohol in moderation.
Kick the shit out of people who aren"t like you.
Eat right.
Hank dictated this list Himself.
The moon is made of green cheese.
Everything Hank says is right.
Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
Bloodninja:Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate:OK, but don"t tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate:Who are you?
Bloodninja: I"ve got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja:And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John"s in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate:You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja:Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John"s and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate:Hello! I"d like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja:Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John"s, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that"s an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate:I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja:Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate:Umm...Yes
DirtyKate:So you"re bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I"m home alone... and I think I"ll take a shower...
Bloodninja:Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I"ll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I"m almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja:You can"t hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja:I"m on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate:So you"re at my front door now.
Bloodninja:How did you know?
Bloodninja:I knock but you can"t hear me cause you"re in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja:Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I"m as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate:Oooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I"m all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja:So you"re still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate:Yeah, I"m wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja:I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate:What the f**k?
DirtyKate:You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate:F**k
bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
BritneySpears14: Aight.
bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
bloodninja: Me too baby.
BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
bloodninja: I cast Lvl. 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears14: Hey...
bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl. 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears14: Funny I still don"t see it.
bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty F*ck of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
bloodninja: Don"t f*ck with me bitch, I"m the mightiest sorcerer of the lands.
bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl. 1,000,000 Your body explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl. 2 Druid.
BritneySpears14: Don"t ever message me again you piece of ****.
bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik"s evil army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it"s getting hard now.
bloodninja: Baby?
Girl: Hi
Boy: hello
Boy: who is this?
Girl: just a someone?
Boy: A someone I know?
Girl: nope
Boy: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
Girl: well sorrrrrry
Girl: I just wanted to chat with you
Boy: why?
Girl: nevermind your an asshole
Boy: Hey wait a minute
Girl: yes?
Boy: look I"m sorry. I"m just a little paranoid
Girl: paranoid?
Boy: yes
Girl: of what?
Girl: me?
Boy: No. I"m in hiding.
Girl: LOL
Boy: Don"t fucking laugh at me!
Boy: This shit is serious!
Girl: What are you hiding from?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: gimme a fucking break
Boy: I"m serious.
Girl: I don"t get it
Boy: The cops are after me.
Girl: For what?
Boy: I"m wanted in three states
Girl: For???
Boy: It"s kindof embarrasing.
Boy: I had sex with a turkey.
Boy: Hello?
Girl: You are fucking sick.
Boy: Send me your picture.
Girl: why?
Boy: so I know you aren"t one of them.
Girl: One of what?
Boy: The cops.
Girl: I"m not a cop i told you
Boy: Then send me your picture.
Girl: hold on
Boy: Hurry up.
Boy: Are you there?
Boy: fuck you, cop!
Girl: Hey sorry
Girl: I had to do something for my mom.
Boy: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
Boy: When really you were notifying the authorities.
Boy: Weren"t you!?
Girl: thats not it
Boy: Then what?
Girl: I don"t want to send you the picture cause I"m not pretty
Boy: Most cops aren"t
Girl: IM NOT A FUCKING COP YOU DICKHEAD!
Boy: Then send me the picture.
Girl: fine. What"s your e-mail?
Boy: Just send it through here.
Girl: alright *PIC*
Girl: Did you get it?
Boy: Hold on. I"m looking.
Girl: That was me back in may
Girl: I"ve lost weight since then.
Boy: I hope so
Girl: what?!?
Girl: that hurt my feelings.
Boy: Did it?
Girl: Yes. I"m not that much smaller than that now.
Boy: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
Girl: yes
Boy: Alright let me find it.
Girl: kks
Boy: Okay here it is. *PIC*
Girl: this isn"t you.
Boy: I"ll be damned if it ain"t!
Girl: You don"t look like that.
Boy: How the hell do you know?
Girl: cause your profile has another picture.
Boy: The profile pic is a fake.
Boy: I use it to hide from the cops.
Girl: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
Boy: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
Boy: Not to mention all the groceries.
Girl: Go fuck yourself
Boy: I was going to until I saw that picture
Boy: Now my dick won"t get hard for a week.
Girl: I shouldn"t have sent you that picture.
Girl: You"ve done nothing but slam me.
Girl: you hurt me.
Boy: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn"t hurt me?
Girl: I thought you were bullshitting me!
Boy: Why would I do that?
Girl: I can"t believe that cops are after you
Boy: I can"t believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
Girl: FUC YOU!!!
Boy: You"d break both of his legs.
Girl: You"re a FUCKing asshole.
Girl: I"ve been teased my whole life because of my weight
Girl: and you make fun of me when you don"t even know me
Boy: Ok. I"m sorry.
Girl: No you aren"t
Boy: You"re right. I"m not.
Boy: HAARRRRR!
Girl: I"m done with you
Boy: Aww. I"m sorry.
Girl: I"m putting you on ignore
Boy: Wait a sec
Boy: We got off on the wrong foot.
Boy: Wanna start over?
Girl: No
Boy: I"ll eat your pussy
Girl: You"ll what?
Boy: You heard me.
Boy: I said I"d eat your pussy.
Girl: I thought you said you couldn"t get it hard after seeing my picture
Boy: Do I need a hard-on to eat your pussy?
Girl: I"d like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
Boy: Well I"m not like most men.
Boy: I get excited in different ways.
Girl: Like what?
Boy: Do you really wanna know?
Girl: I don"t know
Boy: You have to tell me yes or no.
Girl: I"m afraid to
Boy: Why?
Girl: cause
Boy: cause why?
G
The legend of bloodninja
www.adamchance.com/funny.htm
Eksplicit...
Hmm... Hvilken religion minder den historie lige om? ;)