Et par jokes

A Real Face Lift

A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman"s head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob and the effects were wonderful; the woman remained young looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years everything has been working just fine. I"ve had to turn the knob many times and I"ve always loved the results. But now I"ve developed two annoying problems. First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won"t get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren"t bags, those are your breasts." She said, "Well, I guess there"s no point in asking about the goatee."

An old geezer,well into his 80"s happens to go into a jewellry shop on a
Friday afternoon with a knockout blonde in her 20"s on her arm and asks the
clerk to be shown an assortment of rings for the young lady.The clerk pulls
out a few racks of rings and starts by showing him one for $3000.00
American.The old guy was impressed with the ring,but said he wanted to look
at the "higher rate stuff".The clerk hurries into the back and pulls out a
few in the $40,000- $60,000 range of which the old guy picks out one that
cost about $55,000. He says to the clerk that he"ll take it and proceeded to
take out his chequebook and wrote out a check.He said to the clerk,"Now I
know this is a lot of money,so I don"t mind you holding on to the ring until
the cheque clears.Give me a call when I can pick the ring up."

Monday morning comes around,and true to form there wasn"t a penny in the old
guy"s account.The store manager phones up to give the old guy a piece of his
mind,and started giving him the length of his tongue."There wasn"t a cent in
the bank to cover the purchase of the ring.What the hell are you doing?"

"Not much,"says the old guy,"But geez,what a weekend I had!"