Kom frisk med nogle Poker jokes
Starter ud med et par stykker fundet rundt omkring:
From the new hand nicknames department: AK = Anna Kournikova. Looks great. Never wins.
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What is the difference between a poker player and a dog?
The dog will eventually stop whining.
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A man comes homre from his weekly poker game late. His annoying wife is waiting for him. “Where the heck have you been?”
“Sorry, but I lost you in a poker game. You’ll have to leave.”
“How did you manage that, you fool?”
“It wasn’t easy. I had to fold a royal flush.”
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A 12 year old boy comes home from school and walks into his parents' room. Mom and dad are in bed making love. The boy asks, "What are you doing?" His dad replies, "Playing poker. Now get out of here." He goes to his older sister's room to find his sister and her boyfriend in bed making love. The boy asks, "What are you doing?" His sister replies, "Playing poker. Now get out of here." He goes to his older brother's room and finds his brother masturbating. He asks his brother, "What are you doing?" His brother replies, "Playing poker." The boy asks, "I thought that it takes two to play poker." His brother replies, "Not if you have a good hand."
Poker jokes
Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
The angel said, "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which of one of you will be admitted."
The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.
Dolly took off her top and said, "Look at these, they're the most perfect pair God ever created and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity."
The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it? Without saying a word.
The Angel immediately said, "OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven."
Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God's own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a toilet and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are."
There's a guy who lives in London. One morning, he hears a booming voice in his head. The voice says, "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He ignores the voice, but can't help thinking about this seemingly divine message. Later in the day, he hears the voice again. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." Again, he ignores the voice. Soon he hears the voice every minute of the day. "Quit your job, sell your house, take all your money, and go to Las Vegas." He can't take it anymore. He believes the voice. He quits his job, sells his house, takes all his money, and flies to Las Vegas.
As soon as he steps off the plane, the voice says, "Go to the Horseshoe." He goes to The Horseshoe. The voice says, "Put all your money into a World Series of Poker (WSOP) entry." He puts up his $10,000 and buys an entry into the WSOP.
He goes to his assigned tournament table. The first hand is dealt and the guy is dealt pocket Aces. The voice says, "Go all in." He pushes his entire $10,000 bankroll into the pot. Three players call. The dealer lays down the flop which is Jh10h9h.
The voice says, "Damn!"
En gruppe mænd sidder og spiller poker til langt ud på natten. Det undrer dem lidt at bordet største møgtyr ikke har spillet en hånd i en times tid. Til sidst opdager de at manden er død, kvalt i en ostereje han havde på galt i halsen. De synes naturligvis at det er lidt skidt, de havde jo set manden te sig lidt efter at han var blevet suget ud på river, men de troede bare at han brokkede sig, så de fik ikke lavet Heimlich-manøvren.
"Hmm, hvad skal vi gøre?" - spørger den ene.
"Lad bare mig tage mig af det." siger den bordets haj.
Han går han derefter hjem til den afdødes hus og banker på (klokken er 5 om morgenen).
Den afdødes kone kommer ud i døren med curlere i håret og morgenkåbe, og spørger hvad fanden der er meningen.
"Ja, der er sket det at din mand har tabt en frygtelig masse penge i aften, så han er bange for at komme hjem. Han bad mig lige prøve at forklare situationen for dig..."
Her afbryder konen så: "Bed ham falde død om!"
"Ok, det skal jeg sige til ham."